Have you finally orgasmed yet?
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
