i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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