Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
