I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
