3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
