Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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