Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
