my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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