I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
