fuck your aforementioned shoe
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
