Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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