why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
