I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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