this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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