it was like eating out sand paper
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
