After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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