I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
