Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
