my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
