i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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