Screwed.edu
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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