i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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