i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
