i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
this just has baby written all over it
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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