Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
