I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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