well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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