You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
