You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
