The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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