ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
