where am i from again
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
