I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
