I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
