i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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