I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
