I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
