so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize