This is not my ceiling
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
