I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
