You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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