He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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