I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
