if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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