i think my tv is drunk
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
