dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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