is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
