You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
