i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
