Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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