I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
