He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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