Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
