it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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