it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
