They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
