I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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