Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I touched a dick in church today
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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