Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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