I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
