so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
