Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
