Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
