If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
