White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
