There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you would pick up someone in the library
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
