im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
