The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
