Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
