I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
