i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
