the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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