New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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