On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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