I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize
