The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
