Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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