I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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