Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
