I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
