Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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