If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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