Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
