I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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