North Korea, Best Korea!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize