i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
