btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
