dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
