wrigley field is MILF paradise
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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