Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
