Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
