Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize