That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
