I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
