Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
