Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
