Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
