This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
