would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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