i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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