I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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