I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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