somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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