So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
